


What Was and Never Will Be Again

by canthelpmyselves



Category: Arrow (TV 2012), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Depression, M/M, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-21
Updated: 2018-09-21
Packaged: 2019-07-15 07:37:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16058543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/canthelpmyselves/pseuds/canthelpmyselves
Summary: Barry has become distant, more reckless than normal. Oliver corners him to try and figure out what is wrong.





	What Was and Never Will Be Again

Oliver Queen watched from the doorway as Caitlin bandaged Barry’s back. The deep gashes were only now beginning to slowly heal. Most of the speedster’s healing factor was working on repairing a collapsed lung and cranial fracture. Cisco and Felicity were in the other room going over the damaged sensors in the Flash suit. Joe and Iris were standing on either side of the medical bed, alternately chastising Barry for his recklessness. 

He understood their concerns. For weeks Barry had been slowly pushing everyone away. It wasn’t an abrupt disconnect, like after the singularity, but a more subtle shunning. Decreasing the time he spent at the labs outside of Flash duties. Spending longer on patrols until it was to the point where Barry usually returned from his runs just in time to head home so he could get two or three hours of sleep before going to his day job. Barry was getting more and more careless, as well. Perhaps the most telling sign of how divided Barry was from his team was the distinct lack of emotion in his eyes as he stared at a spot over Iris’ shoulder. 

“Barry, talk to us!” Iris demanded. “You keep saying everything is fine, but guess what! It’s not! You’re shutting us out and I want to know why!”

Barry sighed heavily and finally looked at the woman he had loved for so long. “Iris, I’m tired. I’m in pain. I just want to get some food and sleep. Can we not do this right now?”

Joe crossed his arms over his chest. “Son...”

A stiff wind blew several papers up into the air as Barry suddenly disappeared. Oliver’s jaw clenched as he looked toward the tunnel that led to the pipeline. Caitlin was left holding some medical tape and a swatch of bloody gauze. Joe and Iris looked stunned. A moment later Iris squared her shoulders, a look of determination settling over her features. 

Oliver quickly stood and began moving toward the tunnel. He didn’t know why he felt it was important to keep Iris and Barry apart, but his instincts were telling him that nothing good would come of her following the speedster right now.

“I’ll just go see if he’s okay,” he said quickly.

Iris looked like she wanted to argue, but Caitlin quickly nodded. “Go talk to him,” she suggested. “Let him know we’re still here if he wants to talk.”

“I’m his sister,” Iris pointed out.

Not wanting to argue with her, Oliver walked away, Cisco right behind him for some reason. When he got to the pipeline Cisco quickly switched off the cameras, reset the password and stepped over to the door.

“Whatever this is,” the engineer said worriedly, “I get the feeling he won’t want anyone else to listen in. I’m trusting you to help him, dude. I need my bro back.”

Oliver gave him a nod and stepped through the door. It shut and locked behind him.

It didn’t take long to find Barry. He had only gone a couple of yards down the circular tunnel before sitting against the wall, knees drawn up to his chest and head back. His eyes were closed, but he gave a tiny sigh as Oliver approached. “Look, I just need some quiet, okay?”

“Cisco turned off the cameras and locked us in,” he said. “We thought you might be more comfortable talking without everyone else listening in.”

Barry sighed heavily before waving a hand to the spot beside him. The archer gingerly sat down beside him, trying to think of something to say. Barry was (unsurprisingly) faster.

“Leonard Snart died on a mission with the other Legends. He gave his life to save his team.”

Oliver nodded. He had heard about that from Felicity, who heard it from Ray. He had never understood the leniency Barry showed a few of his enemies. Especially Snart. “I heard. I guess you were right about there being some good in him,” he replied, unsure why Barry was bring up the thief.

Barry gave a strangled sob. He pressed the heels of his palms to his eyes for a couple of seconds before wrapping his arms around his knees and looking at Oliver. The torment filling his eyes made Oliver gasp.

“We were going to get married,” Barry whispered. “When he came back, after they completed their mission, we were going to finally tell everyone we were together. We’d been living together for ten months, already. My apartment? It is... was ours. The names on the lease are Barry and Leonard Allen. He wanted to take my name.”

Oliver was completely speechless and in shock. How the hell was this even possible???

“It started when Lisa came to us for help. Lewis had put a bomb in her neck and was blackmailing Len. I pretended to be part of Len’s crew so I could stay close and protect him while Cisco and Caitlin protected her. Lewis tried to kill me. Len told me later that he did it, not because he wanted to get rid of witnesses or some crap, but because he could see how Len felt about me. How he was protective of me. The day after we re-captured Mardon and Walker, Len came to see me. He asked me out.”

Barry’s eyes filled with tears but a small smile curled his lips upward as he stared off into the distance, lost in his memories. “He took me to a little Greek place near the park. He was so handsome, wearing a tailored navy suit. We talked and laughed. Took a walk through the park. He drove me home to Joe’s and kissed my cheek. After that, we began meeting up once a week. Every Tuesday was date night. It only took four weeks to fall completely in love. He was so different outside of the parka. Gentle, attentive, funny.”

Barry gave a broken laugh as he focused on Oliver again. “You know, he was so scared the first time we had sex. He was worried his scars would disgust me. I’ve never felt so loved, Ollie. He was so determined to make everything perfect.” Barry chuckled again, more softly this time. “It wasn’t. I was trying to be submissive, because I thought he would be dominating. He was trying to be romantic because he thought that was what I wanted. Turns out we were both wrong. Len is the romantic and I like being in charge. We figured it out, and everything was great.”

Barry’s left hand rose and he scrubbed at his ring finger. Oliver watched with disbelief as Barry rubbed off make-up to reveal a tattoo. Thin blue lines wove an intricate inch-wide pattern around the digit. “When we got married we were going to have each other’s names inked into the design. He was always worried that any ring I wore would be destroyed by friction.” 

Barry exhaled shakily. “Len said he had to make sure everyone knew he was mine and I was his. That no one else had a shot with me because he had already stolen my heart.” Barry sniffled and turned his head to lay his cheek on his knees as he faced Oliver. “I feel so lost,” he whispered. “Our bed is so cold and empty now. I hate showering at home because he’s not there to kiss under the water. I used to whisper in his ear to pull him from his nightmares. He made me breakfast every morning he was home. I… I can’t breath without him, Ollie. Everything reminds me of him. It’s all ashes and pain and emptiness. My heart hurts so much.”

A gut-wrenching sob escaped Barry’s mouth and Oliver carefully closed the distance between them, hugging Barry to him tightly. Soon his sleeve was soaked with tears and his arms hurt from the harsh friction of the vibrations of Barry’s shudders, but he continued to hold Barry close. His heart broke for Barry. How much pain could one man take? He had lost his mom. His father. His… his fiance. Looking back over past year, he could see the signs, now. The way Barry always stood just a little bit straighter whenever Cold was mentioned. His impassioned defense of the man, despite his criminal activities. The way he refused to deal harshly with the Rogues. The pride in Barry’s eyes whenever the Legends were mentioned. 

Oliver sighed under his breath and shifted them both until Barry was curled up with his head in Oliver’s lap. He rubbed soothing circles over his injured back as Barry continued to cry quietly. He knew there was nothing he could say to make any of this better. All he could do was give Barry support. After all, that’s what you did when someone you love, someone you consider family, is in pain.


End file.
